Posted on wikiHow.com is a comprehensive guide for calling out off work without raising suspicions. wikiHow.com is a reader-authored and -edited website that offers tutorials and instructions for just every topic imaginable. The article is titled, “How to Call in sick When You Just Need a Day Off.”

Far be it from me to tell you how to use this, um, “thorough resource.” Maybe you envision posting it on your intranet as comic relief. (After all, laughter can improve the workplace).

Or, maybe you want to know the tricks of the trade (the faker trade, that is), so you can spot the fakers when you see them.

Or, for all I know, you may want to take these tips for a test run and use them the next time you need a mental health day.

Who am I to judge?

Regardless of how this “guide” is utilized, it does cover just about everything one needs to know in executing an escapism plan. For example, there is a list of alternative “calling methods.” Including, calling your boss early in the morning so your voice is rough, thus giving you additional credibility.

There are also various “things to do and say” while on the phone, such as “make your vomit sound real,” and how to give yourself a case of the temporary sniffles by, basically, self-induced water torture.

And, for those of who make it in to work only to decide that the Macy’s sale really would be a better use of your time, there are ways to “fake sick at work,” thereby enabling you to make a clean escape.

Once you make that escape or that early morning phone call, the article cautions that you should heed certain warnings so as not to foil the plan. A personal favorite from the warnings list:

It’s important that your boss thinks you are sick in your bed. Blaring music or a loud TV can destroy that image, as can thousands of screaming fans at a footbal game. If you’re out of the house, you might want to call from your car. But be sure the engine and air condititioner are turned off.

The article ends with some sage words of advice:

“All in all, the best thing to do is never pretend to be ill, not only is it dishonest and deceitful, if you are found out you could face disciplinary action and, even worse, you can lose your job.”

Indeed.

Yes, it’s here again. Another Monday. But fear not. We know that a little humor can go a long way to starting the week off right. April is, after all, National Stress Awareness Month, giving you even another reason to lighten up.

One certain source of stress is competition in the workplace. Just ask Katharine Hepburn and Barbara Streisand who, on April 14 ,1968, had to share the Best Actress Award at the Academy Awards following a tie between the two superstars.

Not that this is a reason to celebrate for most of us, but Tuesday brings Tax Day. And if the thought of writing a check to the IRS makes you wax poetic for the days when a dollar went much farther, maybe I should remind you that, the first McDonald’s opened on April 15, 1955 in Des Plaines, Illinois. One dollar could buy quite a few hamburgers then, given the going rate per burger was 15 cents!

Then, on Wednesday, start your day with steak and eggs, or, more appropriately, with eggs benedict. This classic choice is particularly appropriate in light of the fact that April 16th is National Eggs Benedict Day.

Thursday, April 17, is the birthday of another classic, the Ford Mustang. If life in the fast lane isn’t what you had in mind this week, just hang in there until Friday. Then you can end the week with some in-office entertainment with International Jugglers Day on April 18. The possibilities are endless, really.

Have a great week!

Well, Monday mornings aren’t exactly the favorite part of the workweek, at least not for most of us. But they don’t have to be that bad, really. Here’s a little cubicle humor to start your week off on a positive note.

Happy April!! You’ve survived the first week of the month of April 2008. And, if you’re as seasonally focused as most, this means that you are one week closer to Spring! But wait, there’s more to love about April. This week, April 7-11, is “Explore Your Career Options Week”? (Last week was “Laugh at Work” week. I suppose this week’s title means you probably weren’t laughing.)

And the celebrations and merriment don’t stop there.

~Today (7th) is No Housework Day. I’d like to nominate this one to get an entire month. A day just isn’t enough.

~Wednesday (9th) is National Cherish An Antique Day. For the Generation Y’ers out there, No, this does not include the senior management team.

~Thursday (10th) is National Sibling Day, which I am happy to celebrate given I have the world’s best sibling.

~But Friday (11th), for certain, is the best day of the week this time round. There are two, yes, that’s right, two reasons to celebrate on Friday. First, Friday is Barbershop Quartet Day. And, second, Friday is also International “Louie Louie” Day.

With a barbershop quartet and at least one office karaoke version of “Louie Louie” in your future, how could you NOT be glad that it’s Monday!

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Yes, lawyers really do have a sense of humor.
Go ahead, have a laugh, it’s good for you.

E-card courtesy of someecards.com